Some people define themselves by what they might have been, or could have been, or should have been.  It’s no wonder that there is so much depression in our society when so many people are so disappointed in themselves.  Life should be seen and managed by life as it is.  Granted, some tend to define themselves differently than others in an effort to feel more important or more special than others, but the result is often disappointment, depression, anxiety or confusion.  

One of the rules of life for remaining healthy seems to be that we need to feel positive with ourselves, our lives, and our accomplishments.  When we fail to achieve that goal, problems and difficulty seem to multiply.  If we define ourselves by our weaknesses or difficulties, we set ourselves up for problems and confusion.  Our progression is often compromised and our ability to move through life comfortably is often impeded.  At that point, it is often easy to settle for a dysfunctional view of life.

The reality is that we are proven commodities.  Before we came to this earth, my guess is that we were taught to manage life, and we were given certain gifts and abilities that would be helpful in achieving some level of happiness.  We came here with a purpose and hope.  And we have never been alone.  

We may have defined ourselves a little bit differently from others, and the contribution that we make in life is directly connected to that definition. We have been taught that we will face trials and challenges that will tend to push us to new limits, and beyond.  Everyone goes through this learning process.  And while it’s not always an easy one, it’s a necessary one. 

We’ve all been faced with challenges that appeared to be too great to manage, and sometimes they were.  And you’ve all been through tough times when things went from bad to worse.  And when you thought that things just couldn’t get any worse, they did!!  So, you picked yourself up once again, preparing yourself not as a victim, but a victor who has developed the confidence that only comes from having paid the price, and weathered the storms of life.  And in this process, you developed the insight and acceptance to be able to face other soul-stretching experiences in your journey.  In this process, you learned that life is full of uncertainty, but that it can be managed and moved beyond.  And when you have that kind of confidence, you discover the beauty that is so abundant.    

And you learned that you really can move beyond your fears and your challenges.  And you’ve learned that there is a lot of beauty and color in life.  But you have to look for it.  Everything in this journey is purposeful, and is all a part of your Book of Life.  This Book of Life is not just one book, but it is one book in an endless series of books; a compendium of insights, experiences, of successes and failures, of darkness and light, of faith and fear.  And you realize that success in life doesn’t mean never falling down, it simply means picking yourself up every time you do.

We’re not here because we’re perfect in any way, but because Christ is perfect in all ways.  In fact, it is the Savior’s Grace that has made it possible for us to make it through this life. Heavenly Father has made it possible for us to create our Book of Life.  Brad Wilcox has emphasized that the Savior’s Grace is not just the light at the end of the tunnel, but His Grace is the light that gets us through the tunnel.

It seems interesting to put it into words, but each of us is on a unique developmental path, and that path makes us different from those around us; not better, just different.  Our weaknesses and strengths bring us into the lives of those around us, resulting in changes in our lives that only Heavenly Father can comprehend.

What do you think Heavenly Father has in mind for you?  Remember, nothing is wasted; not the good, the bad, or the ugly.  Ask yourself what does God want us to learn from this brief experience in mortality?  I can think of two ways to respond to this question.  We can choose to be miserable, or we can choose to be less miserable.  And we can also choose to be happy that we’re on a path that has been made possible by the Savior.  Our happiness is up to us.  We get to choose.  

Remember, especially in the midst of all the uncertainty of our present time, faith doesn’t mean having a perfect knowledge.  And change is not our enemy.  Change causes us to stretch to higher levels.  It is the storms of life that strengthen us to move, to grow beyond where we’ve been.  And it was Amelia Ehrhart who wrote: In the midst of all this uncertainty and instability, the most important thing is the decision to act.  The rest is just tenacity.

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.