DAVIS COUNTY—Domestic violence crosses all socioeconomic boundaries. It can be a neighbor, a friend, a coworker. Utah is above the national average with one in three women who will be exposed to intimate partner violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s a time to reflect on prevention and what can be done to help those victims but it’s an ongoing problem that needs to be addressed, not just in October.

“Domestic violence is talked about in a very siloed way,” said Debbie Comstock, Chair of the Davis County Domestic Violence Coalition. “It’s from the perspective of women being hurt, some fatalities, and the police responding. By then it’s already happened. When something bad happens we all know someone knew about it but we sit back and wonder why not more was done.”

Comstock said there are service providers going into homes in various roles. “When they find out that something is happening they should refer them to DV services to let them try and get some help. They don’t always seek that out until something happens.”

A Danger Assessment is critical, she said. “It’s an evidence based approach scored by someone who can tell the level of danger for the victim by their partner where they’re likely to be killed. Then the victim has real information to better decide what to do.”

Leah Moses was in a domestic violence situation that took her years to escape from. When she did leave, she got custody of her daughter but her husband took custody of her son. Tragically, despite her tireless efforts over 15 years to regain custody of her son, her ex-husband shot the 16-year-old then killed himself the day before Mother’s Day. 

“I was just presented with a custody report after years (in the justice system) that both children should be with me,” she said. “The greatest tragedy of the experience is someone should have stepped in, instead my son who was 16 had to deal with this by himself.”

Moses is a midwife for Intermountain Health and uses her own experience to try and make a difference. “I want to help others recognize if they’re in a dangerous situation.”

Moses said she didn’t recognize the control her husband had. “I had really kind parents, I didn’t experience violence so it was a shock to me. Looking back it’s obvious the things he was putting in place. Oftentimes it’s really difficult for victims to understand or know violence.”

A friend gave her a paper with the Power Control Wheel on it. “I couldn’t believe they’d mapped out my life,” she said. “Underneath each one has examples of behavior. It was a really significant turning point even though I wasn’t able to leave for several years.”

Moses is on the board of the Utah Domestic Violence Coalition and Safe Harbor. “Davis County has one of the most robust programs,” she said. “In some counties there’s hardly anything. We’re fortunate that we have that system in place.”

Communities need to recognize the experience crosses every boundary, said Moses. “It’s not just a substance abuse situation. I mothered many years in violence.”

Don’t give up, she said. “Whether it’s you or your friend it’s important to get the right kind of resources. Some people only go to their religious leader or a friend. It’s important to go to a professional advocate. They recognize the signs of trauma.”

It can be a long road, said Moses. “The justice system does not move quickly. There are individuals who do care and try to do what they can. Be persistent.”

Moses said she always had a bag ready to go. “It was like an emergency bag like you have for a natural disaster. I kept it hidden. You go to great lengths just to live in violence.”

This shouldn’t happen in the U.S., in Utah or Davis County, she said. “It does exist – I was that young mother next door. It was challenging for people to believe I was that person. When you’re living through it don’t give up no matter how large or looming it might be. It’s a preventable problem.”

To receive help for yourself or someone else call 1-800-897-LINK (5465) to be connected to resources 24/7.