We seem to live in a world that is controlled by feelings.  If we feel happy, then life is good.  But if we feel bad, then we tend to believe that we have no choice but to react negatively.  

But feelings are not facts.  

Feelings are chemicals, and our chemistry can be changed.  Amazingly, when our chemistry changes, our feelings change.  And since we are often unaware of the options we have to alter the chemical levels in our bodies, we often settle for unnecessary levels of suffering.  

Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional!  

In essence, we are not the victims of life, we are the change agents in life.  We can replace the darkness with light, or we can allow the darkness to control all aspects of our lives.  We can think ourselves into a new way of acting, or we can act ourselves into a new way of thinking.  Either way works, but of the two options, acting ourselves into a new way of thinking is probably the best because motion changes emotion.  

The recovery process starts with a decision to feel the feelings.  For some, this can be intimidating since they may have spent a lifetime running from their feelings.  Since feelings and thoughts go together, when one of them changes, the other is affected.  So, if we want to change our feelings, we need to change our thoughts.  For example, when something goes wrong or doesn’t go the way we want it to go, we can alter the way we think about the situation.  We can remind ourselves that nothing very good or very bad ever lasts very long; that we can get through this; and that it won’t last forever.  We can even ask ourselves what we’re supposed to learn from it.  

The fact is that everything is preparatory.  

Problems will pass.  We will evolve.  We didn’t stumble into being where we are.  We have practiced to be this way.  And if we don’t like the way we are, we can practice to be different.  

We are the result of natural laws.  We’re not an accident.  

We’re a product of what we practice.  Life is full of cycles, and each cycle is specifically intended to teach certain lessons.  Each cycle can be managed because each cycle has a beginning, a middle, and an end.  Learning to develop and manage them is like any other skill.  It takes time and effort, and in the early stages of learning, failure is frequent.  

We need to judge ourselves by our best days, not our worst.       

Undoubtedly, this world is unfolding as it should, and it is accomplishing the purpose for which it was created.  Life may not seem fair, but it’s still pretty good.  So, when it seems that everything looks dark and overwhelming, challenge that perception.

Feel the feeling, but change the thought.  

It’s in our best interest.  Pessimism makes people sick, so practice it as little as possible.  We can accomplish that.  

Anger and anxiety can be reduced in frequency and intensity.  We can change the rules.  We can make it the way we want to take it.  We always have a choice.  

Feelings are important, but when dealing with negative feelings, feelings don’t have to be the controlling factor.

We can do what needs to be done no matter how we feel.  

Ultimately, the choice is ours.  We can choose to live passionately, or we can settle for mediocrity.  And because of this natural law, we will move in whatever direction we think.  Sometimes we seem content to simply let life pass us by, almost as if we are passive participants who have no choice and no investment in the outcome.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  

We can dare to be different from our old patterns.  We can evolve.  We can expand.  

To do so, we need to let those around us know they are loved.  We need to touch life, contribute to life, and participate in life.  Since the rule seems to be that we will find whatever we look for, either positive or negative, unless we decide to look for the beauty in life, we may miss it.  We need to take time to manage life, rather than letting life dictate what we will do.  We can make things happen, we can let things happen, or we can simply watch things happen.  If we choose to simply watch things happen, the odds of unhappiness increase.  But when we decide to take a more active role in life by setting our priorities and practicing our priorities, we become more well-defined.

Our priorities become our guide for life. 

Life is not pain-free, and there are no guarantees.  And experience has shown that everything can be managed, either by ourselves, or with the help of someone else.  Surprisingly, perfection is not a requirement for happiness.  Simply put, our happiness is the realization that we are more than we have become, we are more than our past, we are more than our secrets, we are more than our symptoms, and we are more than the sum of our mistakes.

We need to take charge of life or life will take charge of us.       

Life is a series of daring experiences.  And since we define ourselves by our experiences, it becomes essential that we must dare to do mighty things.  To practice anything less is to limit our potential in terms of any contribution that we may be able to make.  We must dare to be bold in this adventure.  Therefore, dare to outgrow your previous self, and dare to love.  Dare to reach out, and dare to define yourself.  Dare to know what you want, and dare to pay the price to get what you want.  Dare to give.  Dare to let go of the past, and dare to look to the future.  Dare to take risks to move to higher levels, and dare to have courage.  Dare to endure, and dare to do what must be done.  Dare to face anxiety, and dare to make mistakes.  Dare to share your insights, and dare to face your fears.  Dare to learn and grow and live.  Dare to be, and dare to become. 

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.