Be willing to look beneath the surface of outward appearances, for things are not always as they appear.  Be willing to understand the thoughts, feelings, and motives of others, for always, they will have their reasons.  Be willing to take time to appreciate the connection between heart and mind, and when you have a choice, go with your heart.  Be willing to respond to the “corrective realignments” in life.  These are the mistakes, or “minor course corrections” that will become some of your greatest teachers.  Be willing to enjoy the exhilaration of success and endure the agony of defeat, for they will teach lessons that only they can teach.  Be willing to continue to search for meaning and purpose in chaos, for they will lead to the development of insight and clarity.  Be willing to strive for internal balance and guidance, rather than external dependency, for dependency on others always leads to sadness and disillusionment.  Be willing

Be willing to redefine yourself in a manner that will allow you to outgrow your previous self, for there will be no growth where stagnation or immobilization are tolerated. 

In reality, it’s important to remind ourselves that we have always managed everything that has happened to us in the past, and we will always be able to do so in the future. Either by ourselves, or with the help of others, we will find a way to manage. We may not manage it perfectly, or gracefully, or with great finesse, but all that we can be, we must be.  And with this principle in mind, we will find a way to manage it.

Life is a process and it’s going to hurt, but the benefits outweigh the pain and discomfort.  Specifically, when we mismanage this process, we will learn lessons that could be taught in no other way.  So, lift up your heart and be glad.  There will be transitions that will enable us to learn and rise above.  There will be loss and confusion and uncertainty, and at times, it may almost seem that success is beyond our capabilities.  With this in mind, Abraham Maslow wrote:  A musician must make music, an artist must paint, and a poet must write if he is to be at peace with himself (end quote).  As I understand these great writers and artists, what a man can be, he must be.  How fantastic and intimidating is that philosophy?  With this as a foundation, and for all who believe in eternity, we can’t afford to give up.  As for us, as we understand this eternal principle, all that we can be, we must be.  And as Richard Eyre wrote, to those who believe in eternity, and who never give up, there will be no failure, there will only be delay (end quote).  Life is full of lessons.

Granted, in addition to these principles, there will be an endless series of transitions that will enable us to learn and rise above our challenges.  There will be loss, confusion, and uncertainty.  In fact, at times, it may appear that the only constant we will have is our faith.  And that principle is great because faith doesn’t make it easy, it makes it possible.  And once we discover it’s possible, we’ll remember that it’s worth it.  Never forget…we’re right on track.

To these principles, add the Eternal Law of Repentance.  Repentance is the way back.  It is the way through.  It is the way up.  Repentance is love, and love is the Savior Jesus Christ.

Because of our perception, life may not always seem fair, but don’t believe it.  In fact, life is full of questions, the answers of which determine our self definitions.  So, who are we?  Did we just stumble into existence?  Or is there purpose and reason to life that determine our direction and futures?  Life doesn’t always seem fair, but it’s still pretty good.  We don’t always have all the answers but because of the principles we follow, there is purpose and reason for our existence.  We understand that hate makes people sick, and that seems like a good reason to reduce the frequency and intensity of temper tantrums.  So, make peace with your past so it doesn’t destroy your future.  Secrets are another problem.  Specifically, if you’re in a relationship that has to be kept secret, you shouldn’t be having it in the first place.  The fact is that no one is in charge of our happiness but us.  Whatever other people think of us is none of our business.  And whatever we think determines our course in life.  Time heals almost everything, so give time, time.  However good or bad a situation is, it’ll change.  

Experience is the name we give to our mistakes.  It’s how we pay our dues.  And as a result of that experience, eventually we learn that it’s not enough to be good, we have to be good for something.  That means commitment, and dedication, and direction.  Achievement doesn’t just happen by itself.  It’s always the result of natural laws.  And two of the most important natural laws are growth and decay.  Simply put, when we stop growing and developing, we begin to decay.  To die.  

Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Believe in miracles because the best is yet to come.  Success depends on which you use.  Heads you win.  Tails you lose.  All that really matters is that you loved.  And always remember:  God loves you because of who God is; not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

It goes without saying that we are not going to be loved and approved of all the  time.  None of us are thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving at all times.  If things do not go the way you want them to, get over it.  It is a waste of time to remain angry, frustrated and miserable, so take back your power.  Some people really are bad, wicked, vile, or dishonest.  Avoid them if at all possible.  Life will catch up to them, so don’t worry about fixing them.  If things are not going well, just wait.  Your time will come.  Your early childhood experiences do not have to control the rest of your life.  Be patient, and loving, and confident.  This puts the responsibility of our success in our own hands, for as someone once wrote:  We have two ends with a common link.  With one we sit, with the other we think.  Success depends on which you use.  Heads you win.  Tails you lose.

Loosely translated, this means you can’t sit on your bottom and slide to the top.  It requires a lot of effort to be successful, even more to be happy.  And there’s a difference.  Success simply means getting what you want.  Happiness means wanting what you get.  It all sounds a little confusing, but fortunately, the instructions for both are relatively simple and can be summed up in four words:

Life – some assembly required.

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the Intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.