We can be the choice we wish to make. We can become what we search for.  We can create the transformation from what we were, to what we are capable of becoming. We can rise above the fears that seek to immobilize us. We can evolve to what we aspire to be. We can adapt to the ideals we search for. We can revise the limitations that may have controlled us. We can attune ourselves to the positive forces in life. We can harness the pain and grow beyond it. We can bridle our courage to defeat uncertainty. We can formulate methods to overcome confusion. We can attune ourselves to the positive forces in life. We can redesign our old, imperfect perception of who we are, as we envision what we dream we can become. We can integrate the energy forces that surround us.  We can synchronize what was previously thought to have been hopelessly disorganized.  And we can generate a metamorphosis that will enable us to rise to previously unexpected levels of achievement. From an eternal perspective, we can accept nothing less.

And in this process, this educational process:  we eventually learn that nothing very good or very bad ever lasts very long. Our lives are constantly in motion, and our future is bright. Our hopes are strong, our vision is clear.

Interestingly, there is another side to this story. Many individuals seem to focus on fear, uncertainty and anxiety. My response to them would be to emphasize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Worry, it seems is often a substitute for action. It’s surprising how long we can stay stuck. The solution? Catch it early, move to a higher level of functioning and reach out to this amazing world.   

Pain is the great educator.  When we’ve had enough pain, we will find a way to move beyond it. We will find a way to change our course. Pain is purposeful!

We learn that the way a person treats us is more often a reflection of how they see themselves. So, don’t take it to heart if someone doesn’t agree with you.  Move on. Life is short. Do what you know, and look for the lessons in life.

We learn that we are responsible for what we say and do, no matter how we feel. And the interesting thing is, the rest of the world is not invested in our mental health at all. If we decide to stay stuck, the world will simply let us do so. So, move on, or stay as we are. The final decision is up to us. 

We learn that what we think about, we become. This can be terrifying if we’re content to look mostly at the dark side of life. For the most part, we can choose our course. Just remember: There are no Maybe’s in this journey. So, just do the best you can; for now, for later, forever.    

We learn that whenever we interact with others, we leave something behind.  Keep that in mind the next time you decide to settle for less. Keep your friends close and your expectations high.  

We learn that most of the things we worry about never happen.  And those that do happen, we can learn to manage. Every decision we make adds to our motion and direction in life. Either positive or negative, they are credited to our account. Take charge as quickly as possible.

We learn that traffic lights and golf balls never do what we tell them to, no matter how much we yell at them. So, when  we’re stuck, take charge of your direction and speed. Take a deep breath and be patient as you move forward.  We’re in charge of our mental health. We learn that the worst thing in life to be without is love, but toilet paper comes in a close second. (Enough said).

We learn that we can’t make someone love us.  All we can do is be lovable.  The rest is up to them. Don’t try to make everyone love you. Don’t go down that road.  It’s a dead end. 

We learn that at some point, we need to give up all hope of a better yesterday.   Learn from yesterday and apply it to our present. Otherwise we may have a tendency to confuse our process. Unless we move on, we’ll be stuck there indefinitely. The goal is to take all the positive experiences and apply them to our journey.  If we don’t, the lessons will have to be repeated.

So, what should we do? Live passionately. Don’t settle for mediocrity. We need to document our existence. Take notes. Take pictures. And especially, take time.  Let those around you know they are loved. Don’t wait for the right time.  Instead, create the right time. Touch life, contribute to life, and participate in life. Look for the beauty and expect to find it. Laugh at yourself. Know your priorities, and let them be your guide. Believe in second chances, and learn from your mistakes. Believe in forgiveness.  

You never know when someone may catch a dream from you, so be ready. You never know when a little word, or something you may do, may open up the windows of a mind that seeks the light. The way you live may not matter at all, but you never know, it might. So just in case it could be that another’s life through you, might possibly change for the better with a broader and brighter view. It seems it may be worth a try at pointing the way to the right. Of course, it may not matter at all. But then again, it might.

With this in mind, it’s not about what we’re trying to quit; it’s about what we’re trying to become.  

At times it may appear that we all get lost. Maybe we get tired and lose our direction. When we do so, we lose our motivation, and nothing seems to make any sense. But don’t believe it. Our life is important. What is the purpose of our existence? What is the role we have chosen to play? And what kind of legacy are we creating? Those are tough questions, but ironically, it is through the process of finding these answers that we find ourselves once again.  

The reality is that there are lessons to be learned, tears to be shed, people to be loved, and beauty to be shared. There is wisdom to be gained from experiencing the exhilaration and freedom from the light. There is emotional depth to be gained from tolerating the intolerability of the dark. Life is full of these lessons. Life is never wasted. But sometimes, the apparent futility of learning the lessons makes us believe that we should give up, that it’s a waste of time to keep trying because this is as good as it gets. And once again, with this kind of thinking, it’s easy to get lost.  

The fact is that we are becoming, and we only become by beginning, again and again.  And if we ever believe that it’s too late to begin again, then we rob ourselves of that which we might have been.  

We need to remember that seldom does anyone get it right the first time. There is always a price to be paid for insight. But the process of “becoming” requires much more than just concern, more than commitment, and even more than determination. It requires a revolution!  And because the breadth and depth of our patterns often span generations, it may take forever to become.  As a result, nothing short of a revolution will have the power to redirect our lives.  

We need to remember that when we feel worn down because of stress in our lives, we can change our course. It helps to remember that self-mastery will lead to the best we have to offer.  And self-mastery allows us to be aware of what’s going on inside of us, and to envision what our potential is. This insight grows into who we are capable of becoming. It is one of the most important and essential defining moments in our lives. So, be ready! Don’t blink! Don’t hesitate. Remember who you are, and how you arrived at this point in your life.   You didn’t stumble to get where you are. Be confident in your perception, but move ahead at a pace that you determine to be your best option. Look for the beauty in life. It’s everywhere. Life is good. We’re not alone. Spread the word. 

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.