Apparently, life is as it is.

Sometimes it’s very simple, and sometimes it’s very confusing.

But in either case, it would appear that our choices

are the determining factor in managing every part of life.

In essence, because of this natural law, we are 100% successful in achieving our definition of success.

What this means is that, even though difficult life-situations occur, we are the ones who define ourselves as being optimistic or pessimistic, victims or victors, loving or distant, in control or out of control, fearful or confident, uncertain or self-assured.

Nobody else can really be held accountable for this process. So if we’re not getting what we say we want from life, maybe we need to go back to the way we have defined ourselves. As a result of the definition that we create, we become the managers of our destiny.

We’ve spent a life-time establishing and developing patterns, and we tend to define ourselves by these patterns. In spite of the fact that they are less than perfect, these patterns make it difficult to grow beyond their boundaries.

Because of these dynamics, it is essential that we redefine ourselves, not by the mistakes of the past, but by the insight that has developed as a result of these mistakes. There really is purpose and reason and wisdom in life. Nothing is wasted; not even the most difficult and painful experiences.

So expect to succeed, and live life by design, not by accident. Today is not a drill, and this moment is not a dress rehearsal. We have prepared our entire life for this “performance.” That’s why it’s so important that we don’t miss it because of hesitation, and that we don’t blow it because of fear.

Since life has probably not been completely accommodating in the past, maybe we need to commit ourselves, now, to a new belief system for the future. And as we dare to develop a new way of looking at ourselves, we’ll discover that our destiny becomes, not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice.

We can’t afford to “wobble” with uncertainty; it hurts too much. And we can’t afford not to go first class; there’s no good reason to settle for less.

Ultimately, we are the deciding factor in the equation. We are 100% successful in achieving our definition of success.

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.