Let’s assume that this is a perfect world; a perfectly imperfect world in which everything is designed to fall apart. Everywhere we look, pain is somehow connected to our experience.  And since there is so much pain in this perfect world, it only makes sense that pain must be an essential part of our experience.  It is not our nemesis, as some would have us believe, but rather, it is one of the greatest motivating forces in life. 

Pain has a significance that very few of us really appreciate. In fact, when viewed with the big picture in mind, it would appear that every aspect of life is influenced by it. So, instead of trying to avoid the pain and problems in life, maybe we should try to face them and embrace them. For only in this manner are we then able to derive their full benefits.

Specifically, the greatest strengths and insights that we develop are the direct result of our battles: battles with challenges that were thought to have been insurmountable, battles with obstacles that may have been viewed as overwhelming; battles with personal problems that may have appeared to be intractable. It is pain that forces us to fight these battles, and it is pain that forces us to learn the lessons that only these battles can teach. Eventually, we learn that we attract to ourselves what we focus on, that we are drawn toward what we think we are, and that we limit ourselves to what we think we deserve. Since these principles form the foundation upon which we build a life, the resulting pain forces us to redefine ourselves as we learn to manage this process.

Pain teaches that even though we may try to maintain our old self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, the disillusionment that results encourages us to choose a higher level of functioning. Pain teaches that there is no end to our development because we are constantly changing and growing and evolving. Pain allows for discontent, serving to deepen our awareness of our old limits, and giving us the incentive to grow beyond them.

Pain allows for discouragement that forces us to draw upon a power greater than ourselves. Pain allows denial to be used until the pain becomes unbearable, for only then do we seem to be willing to make new choices.  Pain forces us to light a candle in the darkness, and then it teaches us that a candle loses nothing by lighting other candles. Pain forces us to discover our natural gifts and abilities.

Pain reenforces the fact that we need to combine a belief in ourselves with a desire to put that belief into action. Pain forces us to realize that no one is capable of doing for us what we have to do for ourselves. Pain forces us to carve out a niche in life, a pattern that enables us to manage life.

That pattern is then replicated throughout the rest of our life. Pain forces us to develop a pain-management philosophy that empowers us to rise to previously unexpected levels of achievement. Pain makes it possible to move from distraction to discernment, from chaos to clarity, and from distress to design. Pain gives us power: power to achieve, power to grow. And power to become.

Pain prepares us to accept transformations to the higher roads in life, and it reminds us that we always need to remember that we’re grown-up now. We’re not children anymore. We’re adults. We’ve been prepared for this. Pain reminds us that it is a waste of time to complain about being an adult, with adult responsibilities and concerns. It comes as quite a shock when we finally realize that….wait a minute, I’m grown up now! I can do this. I’ve been prepared for this moment. And then we give ourselves permission to act as an adult. Sometimes that comes as quite a shock.

Pain reminds us that life is not always fair, so get over it. Stop complaining about it. Just do what is necessary. No one is going to fight our battles for us.  And that’s good because pain forces us to become stronger. Pain then reminds us that we should avoid sharing our dirty laundry. No one wants to hear our sad stories. So, get up, do what needs to be done and then move on.  Stop making excuses for our mismanagement and poor decisions. We all  know that life is tough, but the sooner we start acting as an adult, the quicker we evolve into one. This insight often comes as quite a surprise!

Pain teaches us that we need to decide to grow up. That means to adjust and do what needs to be done. No one is perfect, but we all do better when we develop an attitude of gratitude. And as we do so, we create a new future. 

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.