Now, I’ll admit there are times that things look a little bleak, but those times pass, they always pass. In fact, some modern-day philosopher has written: Thank God that things come to pass and not to stay. I think that somehow the above statement sums up life pretty well. It’s a journey, an experience, a process. It’s an opportunity to examine correct and incorrect principles and then to decide which ones fit. In essence, it’s a real life, emotional juggling act that allows us to clearly define our personalities. And in the process, we eventually discover that we’re headstrong and controlling, as well as tender and caring. Our goal should be that when we talk of losing ourselves in service to our fellow men, we usually do what we think is in our best interest. In reality, we admire humility and meekness, but often we become self-centered. We profess honesty and integrity, but clearly rationalize and minimize in our own favor. We are known by many, loved by some, despised by a few and we consistently return those feelings, each for each.

Even worse, we frequently allow the reactions of others to determine how we feel about ourselves. And in that process, we usually lean toward the direction of poor self-esteem. That is not a pattern that we intentionally want to pass on to the next generation, but often that is the case. As further evidence of our insecurity, we tend to compare ourselves to others and measure our achievements by what others have not done.  

So, what’s the answer to that dilemma? Experience! This is often the name we give to our mistakes. It’s how we pay our dues. And as a result of that experience, eventually, we learn that it’s not enough to be good. We have to be good for something. And that can be emotionally disruptive when we feel that we have not been good enough for anything.  Literally, if we have believed that we’re stuck and that we will feel that way for the rest of our lives, it may take some time to unravel the myth. The reality is that since it is we who have created the myth, we are the ones who can unravel this distorted thought. It just takes practice. So, don’t give in and don’t give up. You’re already on a corrected path.  Practice thinking correctly and you’ll feel the burden being lifted from your shoulders. Practice, practice, practice.  The reality is that we have two ends with a common link.  With one we sit and one we think.  Success depends on which you lose.  Heads you win, tails you lose.  Loosely translated, this means you can’t sit on your bottom and slide to the top.  You are the master of your fate.  It requires a lot of effort to be successful, even more to be happy.  And there’s a difference:  Success simply means getting what you want.  But happiness means wanting what you get.  It sounds a little confusing, but the end of this short piece of philosophy is very simple.  Heads you win and tails you lose.

I’m sure that everyone has noticed that life is tough.  It always has been, and the good buys don’t always win.  So, sometimes it may seem that the best we can do is to simply hold on; to endure, to survive.  But there’s more to life than mere survival.  I believe that today is a once in a lifetime opportunity that is full of options, alternatives, and choices….if we decide to correct our course.  I believe that if everything looks black, we probably have our eyes closed.  I believe that change is a correct principle and it’s necessary for all growth and development.  I also know how hard it can be to change our expectations.  Many people tend to look at life and give-up simply because changes hurt.  So they decide to simply stay where they are because taking charge of life is too complicated and intimidating.  And in this process, they simply wither away.

Now I have to admit that early on in my life I tried that self-defeating perspective, and I stayed on the sidelines because anything else seemed too intimidating.  I found that life will leave you behind if you’re committed to that kind of philosophy.  No one will force you to be happy.  No one will push you to be healthy, and engaging.  

Well, fortunately I found that I didn’t really like being invisible!  So, I quit it.  I found out that I wanted more from life, and that life would accept whatever choice I made.  So, I changed my course, line upon line and precept upon precept, and I discovered a new path.  Instead of merely enduring life with limited access, limited enjoyment, and limited expectations to the full realm of life, I discovered that my thinking could be altered, and I began to recognize a new set of skills that allowed me to recreate myself.  And the most amazing principle was that it was possible to develop a new set of beliefs simply because I wanted to do so.  Some of those beliefs included:

There is more to life than mere survival.  I found that I could alter my past by thinking differently.  I discovered that today is not yesterday.  In other words, today can be different if I step forward. I believe that while a lot of things in life will undoubtedly go wrong, if everything looks black,  I need to open my eyes.                                                                                                                                              I believe that change is a correct principle and that it’s necessary for all growth and development.                                                                                                                                                    I believe pain makes us think, thinking makes us wise, and wisdom makes life worthwhile.  I believe that self-worth is the key to understanding who we are. In fact, it is what Emerson was referring to when he wrote: What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny things compared to what lies within us. (end quote).  I believe that self-worth is the cornerstone of all that is essential.  And Trina Paulus wrote, How does one become a butterfly?  You must first want to fly so much that you’re willing to give up being a caterpillar.  Unfortunately, there are too many of us who are content to be caterpillars, that we miss being a butterfly.  Unfortunately, too many of us languish in our comfort zones, never achieving our God-given potential…Never learning to fly.  

One of the foremost principles in our lives is that nothing of any consequence is ever achieved without overcoming opposition: and opposition requires disciple and commitment, for there is no freedom without restraint, no happiness without purpose conflict. These are some of the fundamental principles which allow each of us to overcome our previous self. This process requires stepping forward, one step at a time, even when the future seems intimidating and uncertain.  

Unfortunately, we often fail to understand that what we will be, we are now in the process of becoming.  And when applied to the development of skills and abilities, becoming is often viewed as a painful process, brilliantly disguised as being a task which is almost impossible to achieve.

Some people, seeing only the pain in the process, hesitate.  Others, recognizing it only as façade of apparent impossibility become enabled and strengthened.

In reality, these problems in life are the necessary ingredients which allow each of us to be tried and tested, tempered and forged.  Only in this manner will we be able to realize the inherent potential with which each of us has been endowed.

On his epic voyage to the new world, Christopher Columbus experienced one problem after another.  And while many challenged both his sanity and his ability, he fulfilled his destiny as he remained true to his dream.  He understood that it was impossible to discover distant oceans without having the courage to lose sight of his own familiar shore.

But more importantly, he understood principles of even greater significance:  discipline, commitment, and achievement.  For despite all the problems, fears, and challenges he faced, determined to succeed, he kept his focus on the distant horizon.  And day after day, he entered only these words: This day we sailed on.

Each of us is a combination of characters who knowingly or unknowingly controls the dimension and quality of life.  And while we cannot control its length, we can control the depth and width of our life.  For we are the Director of Thought, the Architect of Character, and the Developer of Conditions and Situations.  In this manner, we unerringly determine our destiny.  Who we are, and what we are, at this point in time is determined by our thinking.  The choices we have made have brought us to this point. And we are made, or unmade, by ourselves, by our thoughts.

It is not a matter of chance that determines our final destiny.  It is a matter of justice that regulates life.  As a result of this natural set of laws, we are always the master in determining our fate. We are not made by situations or circumstance, but revealed.  And we are controlled by them only until we learn that we can direct them.  It is the discovery of this law that marks the starting point of all personal growth and development.  This insight, once it is developed and internalized, will result of a reduction of character defects, and a solution to lack of direction.  In essence, it is the cornerstone of all success.

So, when the distance seems too great for us to bridge the gap, or when we feel lost with no hope of finding our way home, Heavenly Father consistently finds a way to come to us. He may bring someone into our lives with the answers to find our way home.  Not just sometimes, and not just for the “Good Guys,” but for all of us.  He brings someone into our lives whenever we’re ready. If we fail to step forward, or if we hesitate to reach out to create a new future, the pain of discipline and emotional regrets can be immobilizing. Lack of discipline, or hesitancy, are heavy burdens, but only if we fail to challenge them. So, standup, step forward, and create the new you. 

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. He wrote a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This column focuses on mental health and life management issues.