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Davis Journal

Some of my favorite bumper stickers

Nov 18, 2021 08:37AM ● By Bryan Gray

Last week one of them in Utah made national news when an employee – not the owner – of a donut shop posted a sign on the door proclaiming that the company’s employee shortage was due to government assistance checks.  Some outraged customers then took to the internet to discover that the company had also been the beneficiary of “government assistance” – some $100,000 in pandemic PPP loans from the SBA.

The messaging can be humorous and creative, often times both with a political message. During the Obama years, the common “Charlton Heston is my President” was a direct rebuke to any gun limitation; during the George W. Bush era, Democrats displayed bumper stickers saying “A small Texas village has lost its idiot.”

Here are some of my favorites seen this past year:

BEST PANDEMIC STICKER: Wash your hands like you just chopped jalapeños and need to take your contact lens out.

BEST MUSIC SLOGAN: Songwriters don’t die, they just de-compose.

BEST PARENT STICKER: You can’t boss me around, you’re not my daughter!

BEST ECONOMIC LABEL: Tax the Rich – Eliminate American jobs

BEST SENIOR CITIZEN SLOGAN: Don’t anger old people.  At our age, life in prison is not a deterrent. 

BEST SEASONAL MESSAGE: Spring is here. I’m so excited I could wet my plants.

BEST FITNESS MESSAGE: I named my dog “5 Miles” so I can tell my doctor I walk 5 miles every day!

BEST SPORTS STICKER: I golf; therefore I swear

BEST REAL ESTATE STICKER: Got $3 million? Buy a starter home in Park City.

BEST NEIGHBORHOOD SIGN: There is no such thing as a Poop Fairy, so clean up after your dog.

BEST HOME SIGN: No solicitors. Ask Doberman for details.

And then there is another favorite I saw last night: If I get a ticket, I hope it will be for Disneyland!

BEST CONSERVATIVE STICKER: Liberals want you to think you’re poor; Conservatives want you to think.

BEST LIBERAL RESPONSE: Liberals want you to think like Christ; Conservatives want you to think like Hitler.