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Davis Journal

Finding a Valentine can be complicated for today’s singles

Feb 08, 2024 02:30PM ● By Kerry Angelbuer
Find that special someone to complete your heart on Valentine’s Day. Photo by Kerry Angelbuer

Find that special someone to complete your heart on Valentine’s Day. Photo by Kerry Angelbuer

With Valentine’s Day highlighting loving couples, how can a single find their own connection? University of Utah Health recently published a blog about the health benefits of having a loving relationship. Amazingly, a good relationship has a host of health benefits such as lower blood pressure, better heart health, a decreased ability to feel pain and increased healing ability. Summarizing all the research, those in a good relationship basically live longer. Obviously, a bad relationship can also be hazardous to your health, so focus on the “good” when choosing a potential partner. 

Most people find their partner at the beginning of adulthood, though later marriage ages are becoming more common. Aaron Angelbuer, a 20-something, suggests meeting people at community events, clubs, or athletic competitions. Attending church meetings composed of singles works for some people. He gets most of his dates by participating on dating apps. “The average guy can like 40 girls on an app and only get one match,” said Angelbuer, “while the average girl only has to like two candidates to get a match. So basically, guys get on apps to get ghosted while girls get bombarded by 1,000s of average guys. Don’t get discouraged because it’s probably not you, it is hard for everyone to put themselves out there.”  He has had luck with Mutual, Hinge and Bumble platforms, but noted that the Tinder dating app is not ideal for finding a more serious partner.

Alyssa Jenks, a 30-something African American woman from Bountiful, has gotten a little pickier lately only choosing to get to know guys who will “make my life better than it currently is.” She stresses first being comfortable with who you are and working on self, and then only choosing those who can make your life more beautiful. Although she attended a singles ward at her church for a while, she didn’t find the selection inspiring. She believes that a more compatible mate might be found using a dating app where you can specify education level, age, religion or whatever is important for the individual. She recently created a private dating profile on Facebook, that matches you with singles in the area, and has been dating someone for a few months now. 

Dating can become very challenging as adulthood progresses and Brandon Bingham has almost given up on it. Although he believes that “it is not good to be alone” he perceives significant barriers to finding a woman that will not disrupt his comfortable life. For example, he bemoans his extreme shyness and believes that taking anti-depressants can make it difficult to connect. He currently focuses on avoiding loneliness by maintaining close family ties and relationships in his church congregation. He thinks successful strategies might include niche dating apps that can help you find someone of a certain religion or with similar interests. He is a fan of the premium dating apps that have a cost, but focus on adults finding a serious, long-term companion. Getting involved in volunteer work or a service mission provides another way to meet like-minded singles. Bingham also thinks that getting a referral from a friend or family member who knows each person well is a solid way of finding someone to date. 

Bottom line is going places (dances, meetings, classes, online forums or apps, etc.) where one can choose to interact with the opposite sex.  As one male single said, “If you are not talking with girls, you are not going to get a girl.”