Melanie Thomas, of Davis Behavioral Health, teaches a class at North Salt Lake City Hall called EveryDay Strong that emphasizes developing resilience in children by providing a safe, nurturing and connecting relationship.

“I would love it if parents would ask themselves every day, ‘What can I do to help the children in my life feel safe, connected and confident?’” said Dr. Matt Swenson chair of the EveryDay Strong Council during the class. “When we meet their needs, we’re building resilient kids.” The magic confidence that allows one to move forward despite setbacks, to not give up and to eventually thrive. 

Statistics show, that Utah youth are struggling with mental health symptoms more than twice as often as 10 years ago, according to Student Health and Risk Protection survey data. In light of this disturbing data, an initiative to teach adults to not only meet their kids basic needs of food, water and rest, but to also provide a meaningful connection with each child providing a safe place to practice at life, a loving connection and eventually confidence. 

At the base of the stay strong pyramid is physical needs. It’s the foundation of adequate sleep, nutritious food, safety and physical health. Moving or providing a sensory experience can help calm fears. Often a good night’s sleep will put frustrations in perspective. If a child is misbehaving or struggling, first review if there is any way to improve their physical support. A young child acting out may simply be that they’re hungry or tired.

Next, it is important to help the child feel safe to discuss any issues. It is normal to fail and make mistakes and this is when growth happens – so it is even something that needs to happen. Even though kids do things that are wrong, it is important that they know that love is unconditional. Allowing kids to try new skills in a safe, nonjudgmental environment where failure is allowed and understood and small successes are celebrated.

Another pillar supporting EveryDay Strong is connection. Every child that succeeds in life has at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. Validate their feelings pointing out that paying attention to emotions can help us. Think of it as nourishing a plant. Sincere compliments spoken aloud or in a note, laughing and playing together, and even apologizing will nurture each child allowing them to grow and develop in their own way.

Finally, when the relationship and physical needs are met, confidence can build. In this stage, kids might be able to accept challenges, try new things and find their own solutions to problems. The adult can name challenges and then both can work to beat the difficulty. Name it ADHD, the brain alarm for anxiety, or x-bot taking over again for screen addictions. Externalizing the problem can make it us fixing the problem rather than me fixing you. This partnership supported by acknowledging small successes can then move forward. Remind them of past successes, express confidence in their problem-solving skills and practice life skills in safe environments. Changing a tire, calling to make an appointment, or even filing taxes oneself with help from a supportive adult can build confidence. 

For further information and resources, visit www.everydaystong.org or dial 211 any time to talk to a community resource specialist who can connect you with free or low-cost counseling, group support, or crisis services.