If you have a choice, live passionately.  Don’t settle for mediocrity.   

Now, I’m not saying that everyone should be consistently laughing all day long, but rather, maybe our goal should be to make a decision to live creatively every day.  The opposite is to simply exist in life.  Unless we decide to be positive and enthusiastic about our lives, we very likely will miss some of the best experiences that life has to offer.  It’s easy to take these experiences for granted.  There is beauty all around us, and possibilities exist everywhere, but unless we decide to recognize that beauty, it may pass us by, unrecognized and unappreciated.  So, what should we do?  Pay attention.  If we don’t, we might miss the colors, and sounds, and smells of life.  Be creative.  Dream bigger.  It is the changes, and the ups and downs, that make this life so fulfilling.            

Document your existence.  Many people simply exist.  They may have goals that are uncertain or unclear, but they often choose a course to simply go with the flow. What’s the answer to this pattern?  Pay attention! Take notes—Take pictures—Take time.  If we don’t take time to experience all that life has to offer, including the happiness and the sadness and difficult times, life will almost certainly pass us by.  The uncertainty, the actions or inaction, the hesitancy and confusion, are all part of a life that is going on all around us.  But if we fail to focus on the beauty and the challenges, our personal development will be insufficient in many ways.  We need to understand that perfection is not required, and that even pain teaches lessons that alter our awareness.  So, what are we to do?         

Let those around you know they are loved.  Somehow, we often overlook the need to let others into our lives.  So, don’t wait for the right time, create the right time.  Touch life.  Contribute to life.  Participate in life.  Look for the beauty – expect to find it.  Laugh at yourself.  Know your priorities.  Let them be your guide.

Usually, when people are consistently unhappy, their unhappiness has more to do with how they define themselves than with what their specific problems are.  So, why would anyone define themselves with anger, fear, confusion, and other self-defeating patterns?  Maybe they don’t know any better!  Once we define ourselves with negativity, fear-based, or self-defeating patterns, we may find it difficult to move beyond this type of impairment.  But it’s fixable!  So, if you don’t like the way you have defined yourself up till now, find someone who can help you grow beyond your old negative patterns.  It just takes practice.  There are no benefits to staying stuck with old, weak, or confusing patterns.  Don’t stay stuck!

That’s where it all starts.  Put yourself in motion.  The rule is that whatever we practice will become our patterns for life.  But patterns were meant to grow beyond, and healing was meant to break free from our past.  We will become what we practice; either positive of negative.    

There is a tendency to believe that nothing can change the way we are.  But that’s simply an example that will keep us stuck.  Learn from it.  Make a new plan and move forward.  Our future is ultimately in our hands.  And since we are going to live in our future, treat yourself kindly.  Break free of your painful past.  Don’t give up.  Look for opportunities to grow beyond the old patterns that may have become the norm.  Your past was meant to be some of the stepping stones to your future.  Step forward.  You’re not done yet.

In life, each of us will progress at a rate of speed that only we are capable of determining.  Regardless of how encouraging or discouraging others may be, we have the ability to determine the speed with which we progress.  Listen to others, listen to your body and record your hopes and dreams.  Then decide on a course for your new self.  No one will do it for you.  To settle for either the same unhealthy patterns, or to create a new future for ourselves, we are the deciding factor in this equation.  Our decision to move beyond our past may seem overwhelming, but those old negative experiences can be reshaped into a new version of yourself.  New decisions and new commitments will serve to strengthen your enthusiasm.  

Our past experiences, both the positive ones and the failures, will serve to develop, and clarify the person we really are.  Nothing is wasted, no matter what we’ve come to believe. 

It all starts with how we define ourselves.  When it comes to our natural tendencies, our natural inclinations, or our natural predispositions, our new definitions will be all controlling.  We are either the victim or the victor.  

Victims tend to be controlled by negatives variables. Victors tend to manage life by choosing a course of mastery over self.

We are the ones who get to choose our course in life.  And sadly, if we decide to be a spectator rather than a participant, life will simply allow a downward pattern to confuse and befuddle us.  Don’t do that.  Life is full of possibilities, and color, and energy.  But unless we decide on a new course, with new goals, and new options, the world will let us deteriorate.  We have an endless set of possibilities that will lead us to new options, alternatives, and choices.  Many would say that they just don’t have what it takes to move beyond our old patterns.  But don’t you believe it.  The world will accept whatever choices you make, either positive or negative, so be creative.  No one coasts to the top.  Make your dreams come to life.  Reach out to all that is around you.  Decide to make a contribution that is unique.  Begin with new thinking patterns that lead to higher levels.  Don’t quit.  Create your dreams.  Create the next step in your life.  Then, take that step into your future.

 John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.