Our view of the world is constantly changing, and our perspective continues to expand as we learn to see the world more accurately. But sometimes as this process unfolds, there is tendency to focus only on the pain and confusion and we overlook the personal development that results from coping with the pain. In reality, as we learn to adapt to ever-changing conditions, we develop flexibility. As we learn to accept the inevitable, we develop resilience. As we consistently face the unavoidable, we develop confidence. As we conform to higher expectations, we develop discipline. And as we put the pieces of the puzzle of life together, the picture of who we really are becomes clearer.

Ironically, in some strange way, it all boils down to this: We can complain about the ruts in the road, or we can accept that the ruts are the road. And because of these ruts, we learn lessons that alter our perspective in ways that almost defy understanding.

There are three main principles that seem to form the foundation for this process: first, we can only achieve personal freedom and discover the beauty that surrounds us when we are secure enough to relax and appreciate life; second, we can only achieve that level of security when our preparation in life produces the kind of confidence that leads to peace of mind; and third, peace of mind only materializes when we finally realize that we will always be able to manage any of the challenges and problems we face; either by ourselves, or with the help of others.

With the foundation of these principles, we finally begin to understand that the impossible is not always impossible, for there is always a solution; that seldom is any loss irreplaceable, for almost everything can be replaced; and that the intolerable doesn’t have to remain intolerable, for we can always learn to adjust. We have a choice in the creation of these concepts. Ultimately, we are the ones who provide their definitions.

Unfortunately, unhappiness and fear often complicate the way we create these definitions.

Unhappiness occurs when we believe that the mistakes of the past cannot be rectified, and that our old self-defeating behaviors and unhealthy thinking patterns are unalterable. Ironically, our fears makes us believe that the problems of life are bigger than our abilities to resolve them. 

But they’re not! Everything can be altered, rebuilt, or replaced, and new knowledge can result in new skills that can overcome any problem. That’s why it’s so important to remember that problems are always purposeful. Some are meant to be solved, some are meant to change our course, and some are meant to be accepted and grown beyond.

Problems literally reshape, refine, and redesign who we are, and they result in depth and clarity that can be achieved in no other way. In essence, problems remind us that perspective is everything.

With everything mentioned above, it’s important to look at how other great minds have managed the challenges and changes in life. And it’s important to understand that all problems in life can be managed and moved beyond, once the issues have been understood and areas of confusion can be understood and managed well. 

Some of the great minds that I mentioned had this to say about their philosophy of life.

Oscar Wild once wrote: Be yourself; everyone else is already taken (end quote). Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: Believe that God is in everyone and everything. And he further stated that everyone could express their divinity by being true to themselves (end quote). And Socrates wrote: The unexperienced life is not worth living (end quote).  

Out of the quest for knowledge should emerge a philosophy. The word philosophy is Greek for love of wisdom. And the beauty of philosophy is that it professes thought-provoking questions and inspires us to think deeply about ourselves and life in general. Some would say that by doing so, the possibilities of vulnerability increase. However, there is no such thing as an absence of vulnerability.  

Our view of the world is constantly changing, and our perspective continues to expand as we learn to see the world more accurately. But sometimes, as this process unfolds, there is a tendency to focus only on the pain of thinking and changing ideas. However, if we overlook ever-changing conditions, we develop flexibility with our thinking, and as we learn to accept the inevitable, as we develop flexibility. And as we consistently face the inevitable, we develop resilience. As we consistently face the unavoidable, we develop confidence. And as we develop discipline, and confidence by putting the pieces of the puzzle of life together, the picture of where we really are becomes clearer. Ironically, in some strange way, it all boils down to this: We can complain about the frustrations of changing our positions and our perspective. But as mentioned before, the ruts are the road! And they need to be experienced, for they teach lessons that make it possible to grow to higher levels of insight and skills.  And because of these “ruts” we learn lessons that encourage us to rise to higher levels of thinking and understanding.

That’s why it’s so important to remember that problems are always purposeful. Some are meant to be solved, some are meant to change our course, and some are meant to be accepted and grown beyond.  Problems remind us that perspective is everything. 

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. Since then, he has written a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This new column will focus on mental health and life management issues.  λ