Everything about good mental health reminds us that we’re larger than our pains, we’re stronger than our weakness, and we’re more significant than our feelings of emptiness; but only if our attitude says so!

Specifically, whatever we focus on, we’ll find. Change our focus, and our attitude will change. Change our attitude and our habits will change. Change our habits and our life will change.

A beautifully dressed woman, age 92, arrived at the nursing home in a taxi. Feeble and using a walker, she’d come to the establishment because she could no longer live on her own since the death of her husband, after 70 years of marriage.

Despite waiting in the lobby for two hours, she was still smiling when the nurse came to get her. As she was being guided along a corridor and told about the tiny room that would be hers, the old woman gushed with a schoolgirl’s enthusiasm, “I love it!” “But Mrs. Jones, you haven’t even seen the room yet,” said the nurse. “That has nothing to do with it. Happiness is something I decide on ahead of time. Whether or not I like my room doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged,  It’s how I choose to arrange my mind.”  

No one is born positive or negative. We determine our life, not our situations or circumstances. So how do we do this? How do we change our focus and attitude and habits?  

Pretend to be in an incredibly good mood. Focus on the positive parts of life. Greet friends and strangers with a smile. Be slow to anger. Be quick to forgive. Respond warmly to indifference. React with compassion. Remember: With few exceptions, things don’t change – people do!

We tend to say, “I just don’t have the kind of personality to make things happen. And even if I did, I’d get lost. Or I’d get stuck!” We need to remember that everything we need for success is within our reach – or it will be when we need it.  

Einstein wrote, nothing happens until something moves. Are we moving and growing and developing? Or are our dreams on life support? Sometimes we believe that we have to be perfect before we get into motion. But things are not always what they appear.

A young woman was out jogging when she saw an old man smiling at her from his porch.  “You look so happy,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, satisfying life?” He responded, “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. And I drink a case of whiskey every week, I eat nothing but fatty foods, and I never exercise!”  

“That’s amazing,” said the jogger. “How old are you?” The “wise” old man answered with a toothless grin, “32.” Things aren’t always what they seem!  

We have lots of choices in life, but we have to choose wisely. Our goal is not to be perfect at this point in life, it is to become who we are meant to be. This journey toward perfection is not all it’s cracked up to be. Perfectionists are usually focused on what’s wrong, and they often miss what’s right. Such a journey is often a long dark road with so many people to try to fool. It’s exhausting work. So much energy expended trying to find the right look, striking the right pose, having the right stuff, and always trying to keep people from seeing our flaws. So, what is the “right” thing for each of us? It’s simple…Become who we are meant to be…one step at a time.   

John Waterbury is a retired Clinical Mental Health Counselor who has lived in Utah since 1984 when he moved to Bountiful with his wife and four children. He wrote a weekly column for several years for the Davis County Clipper titled “The Dear John Letters” which was also used throughout the intermountain West focusing on addiction and mental health problems. This column focuses on mental health and life management issues.