On the surface of life, it may seem that everything is going along pretty well. Showing a competent face to friends and family and on the internet, however, may not reflect what is going on within. Marie Hyde, an intern at Aspire Counseling Network in Kaysville, sees a common thread in her clients, many of whom suffer from generalized anxiety and/or depression, of trying to appear “normal”  and up beat while feeling vulnerable and imperfect just below the surface. The uptick of anxiety, Hyde believes, lingers from the uncertainty and disconnection of the COVID-19 pandemic along with the “appearances” mentality of social media making many feel like they are not enough. The perfect storm for emotional difficulties. 

Therapy allows someone to show up for themselves and lean into their own vulnerabilities and so be accepted for who they are now. Allowing a safe space with unconditional positive regard can be transformational for clients, said Hyde, fulfilling what “they really long for and need.” Our increasingly online communications neglects the connections of facial expression, eye contact and touching others. Hyde has observed teenagers sitting in the same room texting each other without looking up. 

 “An incessant dialogue of self-criticism,” said Hyde, “can make people feel unlovable.” Whether the critical voice originated as a parent, teacher or bully in real life or on the internet, the critical voice can eventually become an irrational source of doubt and shame, the enemy of self-compassion. “Some say hyper-critical things to themselves,” said Hyde “that they would never say to anyone else.” 

The critical voice may accuse them of laziness or a lack of responsibility and many believe that the harsh criticism is needed so that their behavior will be good enough, she said. Just because they think it, doesn’t make it true. 

Hyde helps clients recognize logically why the voice is incorrect and when it should be ignored or replaced with more productive thoughts. As she teaches being present and more mindful, the client is quickly able to get the distance to dispel the “harsh,” often repetitive thoughts that  have been causing such emotional pain. She works on helping people develop a sense of friendship with themselves by helping them connect to their emotional experience. 

“Often when I ask a client to describe their feelings, they are unable to express anything,” said Hyde, “maybe saying something like ‘upset’ which is not even a true emotion. The human condition is imperfect and everyone is struggling with pain and fear. Just accepting this can lessen the stigma of aloneness.”

Once the client is able to connect authentically within their own body, emotions and mind, the deep connection desired with others becomes more likely, she said. “The rich relationships that are desired can be helped by tuning into oneself. As human beings, we have inherent worth. We don’t have to earn it by certain actions or achievements. We can be compassionate to ourselves and give this sense of self-worth to ourselves. Accepting it in ourselves can help us also see it in others.”

Currently, Hyde is teaching a class on self compassion and she has taken a class in the past on a similar topic at Davis Behavioral Health. While she sees classes as a great entry into greater mental health, she sees great transformation in individual therapy where someone can get to the case-specific root of present difficulties. Insurance often covers individual therapy associated with a diagnosis of anxiety or depression. Beginning in May, Hyde will begin working in her home town of Bountiful at the EFT clinic which stands for Emotionally Focussed Therapy.