You just want to give them everything they want.

An ice cream cone? Sure! Another story before bed? I’d love that too!

When you’re a grandparent, you want your grandchildren to know you are there for them no matter what and you want them to have everything that makes them happy.

OK, yes, parents want that too, but they also have to manage expectations and teach moderation and control sugar intake.

Parents are responsible. Grandparents are fun.

So the dynamic is on your side as grandparents, until you get asked to babysit.

Which you want to do because you remember how hard it is to parent day after day and night after night and how vital it is to a relationship to have some time away and alone.

So you get the call and spend the week and your role changes, as you are now tasked with keeping your grandchildren safe and happy despite their best efforts.

When she drops her kids off now, my daughter-in-law doesn’t give me any rules. She tried that in the past. But she does give a warning or two.

If the kids stay up too late, they’ll be ornery the next day, kind of thing. If they eat too much sugar, they’ll be ornery within hours, kind of thing.

Just so you know we warned you, kind of message.

And it’s true. They do. Get ornery.

Don’t ask me how I know.

So when you’re in charge, you have to recognize that there’s a reason for rules and there’s a need to abide by them.

I really truly dislike saying “no” or “don’t” to my grandchildren, having had to say it all too often with my children. That was enough. But it becomes necessary early on and often when you spend a lot of time with children, any children, even grandchildren. 

Because they don’t just want to look at the souvenirs in the store, they want to pick up every single fragile one. Because they don’t just want to dig in the sand on the beach, they want to throw it on everybody nearby. Because they don’t just want to jump in the waves, they want to go out where it’s deep. Because they don’t just want to do a craft, they want to run with scissors. Because they don’t just want to sit on the couch, they want to climb on the back of it with their markers while eating their cookies. Because they don’t just want to play a game, they want to win it. At any cost.

Don’t ask me how I know.

Everything they want to do is dangerous or causes damage to them or other people and things and you are now in charge of keeping them uninjured and everything around them whole.

And so even you, the grandparent, sooner or later, will have to say “no.”

Like after they have ice cream and they want saltwater taffy. And after you’ve read three bedtime stories and they want two more.

And since I believe in a higher power, I can’t help but wonder if I’m that very way in my own sphere of living.

I sometimes wonder if Someone isn’t looking down at me and saying, “I want to give you everything to make you happy, and ice cream and three bedtime stories really are enough. In fact, they are a lot. I want to keep you and those around you whole, so sometimes I need to tell you not to run with scissors. Or go too deep into the waves.”

Saying “no” isn’t anybody’s favorite thing to do.

But it’s what you do when you love.

Louise R. Shaw, a former Bountiful resident, is a writer and photographer whose work was featured at the Lamplight Gallery. She is an avid traveler and currently lives with her husband in St. George.