Ebeneezer Scrooge sits on the edge of his vast four-poster bed, wondering what the heck just happened. Three ghosts have shown him his greedy behavior and how, because of his miserly ways, he’ll die hated and alone.

“Oh, well,” he says, as he jumps off the bed and heads to his vault, where he swims through stacks of gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. “It’s not my fault there are poor people.”

Jacob Marley’s ghost hovers nearby, rattling his heavy chains. “Remorse is a heavy burden,” he cries. Scrooge tells him to get lost and skips downstairs to count his money.

The jolly Ghost of Christmas Present jumps out from behind the couch, reminding Scrooge of the two ghastly children hidden in his robes, representing poverty and ignorance. “You have so much,” the ghost says. “You could help so many.” 

“They should get jobs,” Scrooge replies. “It’s not my problem.”

The spirit starts to disagree, but Scrooge calls in officers from Interstellar Creature Enforcement to haul the ghost away. Christmas Present mutters something about corporate greed as he gets zip-tied.

Scrooge runs to the window and sees a young boy on the street below. “Hello, fine fellow! Run to the Cratchit house and tell Bob to come to work. I gave him the day off, but there are debts to collect!”

“But it’s Christmas,” the boy responds. 

“Humbug! Christmas is just an excuse for sloth. Remind him that although I didn’t give him a raise or bonus this year, I put a ping-pong table in the break room and, because it’s Christmas, he can use the Keurig one time today. He should be grateful.”

The Ghost of Christmas Past taps Scrooge on the shoulder. “Old Fezziwig shared his wealth with employees and friends. He was greatly mourned.”

“Well, Fezziwig is dead,” Scrooge says. “Where did compassion get him?”

He dismisses the spirit, then calls his maid to bring him weak tea (“I’m not wasting money on sugar!”), plain, toasted bread (“Jam is a luxury!”) and a hard-boiled egg (because it is Christmas, after all). 

Scrooge slurps his tea, the sound echoing through the cavernous room as the grandfather clock ticks away the final moments of his miserly life. 

Meanwhile, across the city, Bob Cratchit and his family wake up to a vast display of gifts and food. Knowing exactly how stingy Scrooge would be, friends and neighbors quietly pooled their money to create the perfect Christmas morning for the family. 

The Cratchit children are awed by the generosity. Peter eagerly opens the latest Dickens novel, Martha admires her fashionable scarf and the baby toddles around with a new doll. 

Neighbors even started a GoFundMe for Tiny Tim so he could see a doctor and the town carpenter made him a new crutch. The home is filled with laughter and friendship as everyone roasts Ebeneezer Scrooge with Victorian cocktails. Even the dog gets tipsy.

While Scrooge and Cratchit live just miles apart, their life experiences are vastly different. Although poor, the Cratchits love each other and are cared for by the people around them. Communities take care of each other.

It’s something Scrooge will never understand. All his wealth won’t save him. 

He sees the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come dramatically using his bony finger to beckon Scrooge to follow. Time’s up.

“Fine,” Scrooge says, “but I’m taking my egg. Eggs are expensive, you know.”

Marley moans from the hall, “Mankind was your business.”

“Gold was my business!” Scrooge yells as he stomps after the ghost, wishing he could roll around in his money just one more time.