Dating with the help of computers and phones on websites and apps has really taken off, with most single young people experimenting with the different options. On the surface, it might look like finding people to date could be simple, but finding that one special person can still be challenging.  

“Dating apps are a modern day necessary evil, that are almost comically unfair for the guys,” Mark, a good-looking, 20-something living in Bountiful said. While many girls are struggling with 99+ likes at all times and are overwhelmed with interested guys, it is a different story for the men unless you are “totally hot and rich.” “If I go on the dating apps every day I might get one or two likes a week and since these girls have so many options, often these leads do not result in an online conversation and most of the time end in being ghosted.” It is a struggle to appear “witty” or otherwise interesting to stand out from the large pool of guys the girls are considering. Finding a girl with “personality” who you can “form a deep connection with,” or even a “non-boring person” can seem impossible. Paying for upgrades can result in more “likes,” but often the distance or range of girls is not reasonable, maybe even international, and so only a few of these are “viable.” It is better than “cold calls,” said Mark, which means approaching a girl at a shared activity. “The vibes better be 100% right” for that to happen. He believes dating friends of friends might be the best option to find a match. He found his current girlfriend, however, on Hinge, a popular dating app and feels he was “lucky.” He cautions that Tinder is probably best for casual hook-ups. The Bumble app which allows women to make the first move was “abysmal”– only a few matches over the years he used it. When his current girlfriend asked him to delete his dating apps, it filled him with “six-feet-off-the-ground euphoria” to get rid of them.

Lydia, who recently graduated from college in American Sign Language, finds dating apps annoying. The free versions have ads and limit how many people you can like a day. Despite these restrictions, she would get too many options daily. Despite a plethora of guys, getting conversations going was difficult. A lot of people just ghost you rather than “unmatching” or sending a good bye text. “Phishing is a real problem on the apps,” said Lydia, “they may seem to have a lot of personality online with witty answers to prompts, but then you meet them and they hardly talk. Sometimes the picture looks nothing like the actual person because it was taken years ago or they have “gained a hundred pounds.” They might say they are a certain height, but it turns out to be a lie. She has used both Mutual, an app for LDS singles, and Hinge. She would much rather meet someone in person so she can hear their “voice” see how tall they are and how they look in person.

Michael, another college grad, recently found someone to date on Mutual when it had free “premium” service for a weekend. He prefers Facebook Dating which is free and lets you know who likes you immediately without having to wait or pay for it. Facebook Dating uses your current Facebook profile, but your dating photos and summaries are private from your friends. Using an AI model, Facebook dating gives you one “personalized match a week” and will only share your “secret crush” on a friend on Facebook if the other person says that you are also a “secret crush.” You can set a radius of 10-15 miles if you don’t want to travel too far to date and also put in religious preferences, activities, and personality traits that you are interested in. “If you initially think this is not the love of my life,” said Michael, “keep going out and give it a try.”